That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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