it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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