i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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