the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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