after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
