also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
