Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
