Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
