i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.