I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think my moral compass just broke
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