Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.