the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
