I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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