hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize