I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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