Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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