that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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