i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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