Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This baby is an asshole
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.