i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
