chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars