cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
