you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
