I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
