should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
