My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
