I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
