i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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