Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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