I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
