You're my little dorito
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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