So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
