Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
