My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
