fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
