Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
