This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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