So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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