Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
