pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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