Buhtt sex?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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