he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
