At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
