I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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