"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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