I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
