his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
