I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
