Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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