LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
