I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
