Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
