Nicole vs. Life
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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