How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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