every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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