Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
