singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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