I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
