Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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