kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
