No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
