I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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