Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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