Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Randomize
