its not stalking. its research.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
