theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
