i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
