if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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