She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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