somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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